Friday, May 30, 2008

I've been asleep since Tuesday night...what'd I miss?

The kids and I were traveling from Tuesday to Tuesday,
covering ground from the Windy City to the Ozarks,
to David Cook's hometown, and back home.

I went to bed every night we were gone.
Really, I did. I slept, I think. I
didn't feel completely exhausted on the trip. But... WOW!

I have done just about nothing except sleep
and take care of my kids (between naps) since I've been home.
What's in the air out there?!? I mean, REALLY!!!???

But now I'm home. I feel more rested. I'm starting
to come around.
Just thought you should know.

Thanks for listening.
** H **

Sunday, May 18, 2008

R-E-S-P-E-C-T at the C-H-E-C-K-O-U-T

:>)
I'm the one you hate to be behind.
If there's a problem, I'll have it. If it's not that
the item is priced incorrectly, the cashier will jam
the register tape. Or the computer won't like
my coupon. Or... whatever will take a long time.

I like all my groceries to be stacked on the belt
BEFORE the cashier begins ringing. There are
a couple different reasons for this:

* There's a strange sensory thing that happens
to me when I'm trying to place groceries on a
moving belt. I get so stressed out! I start to sweat
and everything. Woe to the person who tries to carry
on a conversation with me WHILE the groceries are
moving. Paper or plastic? I don't know, lady, just put
the stuff in a bag and turn off that moving belt thingy!

And...
* I usually shop very carefully, so I like to watch the prices
as they ring up. It helps me catch problems as they occur
instead of having to scrutinize the receipt later
(which I still sometimes do).

I also feel bad when I've shopped so carefully that I have
coupons for just about every item I'm buying and someone
in a hurry gets in line behind me. I mean, I shouldn't feel
bad, but I do. I just do.

Most people are understanding, but some are downright
rude. I'll admit that sometimes it's entertaining to be me,
though. Even at the checkout.

There's a common scenario that plays out over and over
again, usually with a big, burly... MANLY man behind me.
I'll use tonight's incident as an example.

I was at Walgreen's. It was closing time. All the customers
left in the store, including me, were making their way to the
front of the store with their final purchases. The cashiers
from the camera and cosmetic departments had already
clocked out.

I had two separate transactions I needed to do. While trying
to get the two orders separated correctly and keep coupons
straight for each order, I was aware of a line forming behind me.

I knew it was coming when I saw the guy walk up, two places
behind me in the line. To no one in particular, he growled,

"Are you @#$%^&* KIDDING ME?!"

Then he apologized for saying that out loud. :>)
BTW... he was buying Nicorette gum. "Maybe he's having
his own brand of checkout anxiety," I thought, "I should just
ignore him."

As the cashier rang up my first order, then my coupons, leaving me
with a total of 96 cents due, Mr. KIDDING ME was transformed
from a grouchy guy in need of a piece of Nicorette to an interested
spectator.

He sighed and said, "Well, she's doing it right... coming in late at night
to get this stuff done......." still watching me....

As people joined the growing line behind us, Mr. KIDDING ME would
respond to their sighs and groans with "Naw, it's alright... she's almost
done."

He asked, almost lightheartedly,
"Hey, do you have coupons for all of our [stuff]?"

I smiled at him and said..... "maybe...."

While the cashier deducted my coupons, bringing my total down from
$35.98 to $5.09, my fan club grew.

When a newcomer to the line asked "Are we going to be here all night?",
my new friend, Mr. KIDDING ME answered on my behalf....

"You just don't worry about it! Stand back and let that woman DO
what she's got to DO!... besides, she's done now.... "

With that, I gathered my things, smiled at my "public" and bade
them all a good night.
They returned my "goodnight", and several asked me to
"have a good one" or "take it easy".

None of them asked me to clip more coupons, though.
I don't know why.

Public Service Announcement - Big Fat Check from Ebates!

I'm getting my BIG FAT CHECK from Ebates
for just over $125.00 sometime in the next week.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing
with the $40 in Target gift cards they also sent me...
well, those have been transformed into a new
toaster oven that appears to be quite capable of incinerating
a piece of bread. I don't want to discuss it.

I do want to discuss the Ebates check thing, though. They're doing
the double sign-up bonus again. If you haven't signed up yet and would
like to do so, post a comment here so I can email my signup link to you.
(I don't use the "gonnacallit" email address for Ebates.)

It's cool. It's pretty easy... and I'm getting a big fat check.
Do you want one?

** H **

Everything and Nothing to say

When I have nothing to say but insist on talking anyway,
I'm very likely to say something weird.
Or something that entertains me completely but
leaves others scratching their heads.

I've thought of a babillion things to say, then decided
against saying them because of their non-importance.

By the way.... "Babillion" is a number that is
not talked about much, on account of getting
over-shadowed by its more biggerer relative,
"Go-jillion", who is often referred to as "Ga-jillion".

Both are gi-normous numbers, and neither should be
confused with "Ba-zillion"and/or "Ga-zillion",
because those are like completely different numbers.

Right about now you're thanking God that I'm not
YOUR math teacher, right??

Anyway....

just skip to the next post.

** H **

Friday, May 9, 2008

Ok, I know... it didn't make sense to anyone but me.

My apologies for the BEDAZZLE post.
You didn't get it.
I know.
It wasn't funny to you, and it didn't make any sense.

Here's the worsterest part about it.
I won't delete it.
Because it makes me giggle at me.
Self-indulgent?
I know.
Self-serving?
Maybe.

Soooo..... more later about something else.
Right now I'm going to go digest.

** H **

Thursday, May 8, 2008

For your bedazzlement....

Perhaps you've noticed I haven't been around for a couple of days.


Maybe you have not. This isn't about whether or not you've missed

me. It's about bedazzling.



But, for the sake of argument, let's say you HAVE missed me.
Even if you don't actually say it out loud, I'm going to pretend
you have. Then I'm going to talk to you like this:

It's not that I think I'm someone special,
or that I think you think it.

(Oh, by the way, though, God did make me special.
And He loves me very much. Bob and Larry told me about
it and I choose to acknowledge the probability that they are
correct.)

I also choose to acknowledge that some folks may just feel
sheer annoyance toward me. Perhaps a select few experience
alternating feelings of absolute delight and debilitating anger
with an occasional foray into the realm of bedazzlement.

Bedazzlement, bedazzling, bedazzle. Let's think about it.

be·daz·zle
1. to impress forcefully, esp. so as to
make oblivious to faults or shortcomings:
"Audiences were bedazzled by her charm. "

2. to dazzle so as to blind or confuse:
"The glare of the headlights bedazzled him. "
3. to add gaudy little plastic shiny things to your clothing,
in effort to .... (see definition #2, above).

"Why pay$250 for bejeweled jeans,
when you can Bedazzle your own favorite pair?
They look better, feel better, and sparkle
with your own Bedazzling style?!
Now THAT'S a winner!!"

Yep, I'm sure it IS a winner. But I can't really say, since
I never owned a Bedazzler. My parents said I didn't need one.
(Sigh...admitting they were probably right, ... sigh again.)

But I do kind of wonder... how might I be different
today if I'd gotten all my bedazzling done as a child??????

Disclaimer: Please don't go buy me a Bedazzler. :>)
I don't want a Bedazzler now, though I like
to think of myself as
one who dabbles in bedazzlement.


For fun, though, you could go to the Bedazzler's website and hear their
funny infomercial. The title to this post is the link.

Thanks for coming out today. Thanks for playing our game.
Peace, love, and gaudy glittery things that distract your eyes -

** H **


Sunday, May 4, 2008

Queen B, again

Translated from Queen B speak to English, to save your brain cells:

"Well this is just great!
I don't know how to know ANY of this stuff !"

I feel the saaaaaaaaammme way about 60 % of the time, Ms. B.

Of course, she misunderstood what I said.

I'd just read a Dora book to her. This girl LOVES Dora. I mean,
REALLLY loves Dora.

Usually I read a book, then she takes it from my hands and says,
"Now I will read it to you."

But this time, as she took it from my hands she didn't say anything.

I assumed we were just doing our normal thing.

I said "Now, YOU read to Mommy like I just read to you."

This was a VERY upsetting thing for me to say, apparently.

Talk about a child looking pitiful. Hopeless, even.

She crossed the room, flopped into the chair, held out her hands

and in utter disbelief at the hand life had just dealt her,

she said.... "Well, this is just great!......."

Life has a way of doing that to us, doesn't it???

But maybe we sometimes misunderstand what we've been
asked to do.

Ya think??

Advice to Little Bear from Queen B

Queen B is kicked back on the couch,
eating "hat chips" (Bugles).

She's watching Little Bear. Little Bear was supposed
to go to sleep, but he wants to see the sun come up
like Father Bear does when he's out to sea.

So Little Bear asks for a drink of water.
A goodnight kiss.
For Mother Bear to come back because he didn't kiss her BACK.

He's hot, he's thirsty, he's not sleepy....
he's got all kinds of problems.

Queen B, between chip chomps says

"Ohhhh tum on, awready!
He need to twit jat-tin' awound and doe to SLEEEEEP !"

For those who don't read phonetic Queen B speak well,

"Oh, come on already. He needs to quit jacking around and go to SLEEEEP!":>)

No-nonsense. That's Queen B. Well, there is SOME nonsense,
but mostly, no.

I think Little Bear would do well to take a lesson or two......

Friday, May 2, 2008

Of Hippos and Marvin...courtesy of Moto K

I was just thinking of all the things I wanted to
tell you.

But then Moto K cleared my entire head with one
little phrase.

He said....

"When can we EAT?!? I'm a HUNGRY MARVIN !! "

Now I'm laughing so hard I can't think.

Apparently, there's a STARVING HIPPO around here
that also needs my attention!

** H **